http://hottopics.gay.com/2009/06/bitter-party-of-one.htmlA few years ago, I worked at a great Italian restaurant in Chicago's West Loop. The food was classic northern Italian, had a great wine list and the atmosphere was laid back, fun and boisterous. Most of the people who came in were usually in good spirits and knew they would get a delicious meal served by a lively staff.
Every so often, we'd get a customer who, for lack of a better term, sucked. One night in particular, a group of middle aged gay men and their requisite lady—call her the hag, Grace, whatever—came in for one guy's birthday. The entire group was pleasant, drinking, engaging with each other and their server. Everyone except for the birthday boy. From the moment he walked in, it seemed like he made it his goal to make everyone else around him—friends, wait staff, the hostess—miserable. You could tell that he wasn't upset about it being his birthday, he was just a bitter person. He snapped at the bartender, scowled at the hostess, gave me attitude when I asked him to move his bag of gifts out from the middle of the aisle (it was a weekend night and the restaurant was packed) and then got in my manager's face. She subsequently laughed at him and told him to sit down.
What is it about certain people that just makes them so bitter? Are there more gay men out there who hold this trait or is it balanced among all people? Or am I just lucky that I encounter more bitter gays in my life? As gay men, are we predisposed to a bitter gene that has a higher likelihood of "turning on" when we come out?
The idea, or stereotype, of the bitter gay man has been around for decades. When you watch movies from the '70s, like "Boys in the Band," or think about who some of the bigger gay icons are like Judy, Liza or even Britney, it becomes obvious that tragedy comes somewhat naturally to our culture. Why are we attracted to such train wrecks? Is it to help us feel better about ourselves?
If you're reading this, you know you have encountered plenty of people who fall into this group, if you're not one yourself. Walking through life bitter and pissed off takes so much energy—so much more than it does to smile at someone and say something nice. For the record, I'm a pretty easy-going guy who puts a positive spin on life. But that doesn't mean I don't get bitchy sometimes. The occasional flare-up is ok, but dealing with that all the time? Personally I couldn't do it and I try to steer clear of drama. But sometimes we get caught in the crossfire and get hit with the nasty stick.
Fortunately, many of us only get hit with the stick. Others who live like that probably fell out of the bitter tree and hit every branch on the way down. It's their life. Let's just hope they don't bring us down too often. Being bitter sucks. Play it on Halloween, but don't live there all the time.
