Gay Men Relating to Men

[bradINblue]

I've been thinking about this all week. I stumbled on a web site, Manhunt.com. I looked at it and found it was a 'male/male dating site'. First impression was good. Guys are trying to hook up with others for long term relationships. The joining was free, so I thought I would do a little research. Here is what I found:

Joining was free, but to see profile photo's that weren't thumbnail and to block others from inundating you with unwanted responses, one had to upgrade to a 'premium' subscription (I did for research purposes for 7 days).

Once joined, I perused adds for Washington and Oregon and this is my take:

--Lots of guys that respond are looking for: masculine, bi, married, straight, hetro men

My response to this is, "it ain't gonna happen". Maybe for a quick 'suck off'', but if most of these guys (based on their profile, etc) think they are going to find a regular guy, forget it. They have no interest or nothing in common with your profile.

--The most important thing is age and cock size

My response to this is, if a guy is interested only in cock size and age, he ain't interested in dating or a long term relationship.

--Guys that identify themselves as regular men into sports, fishing, hunting, etc (and there is quite a few) who mostly want to meet someone and date and 'see what happens'

My response to this is that these guys rarely brag about or require COCK SIZE in a response. Most are frustrated with the lack of substance or quality of the members of the site. They are definitely looking for men who are true men and who don't claim to 'act like' straight men.

--The rest. Looking for random hookups and sex

Men like sex, no way around that. If a guy wants to spend the day just getting off, I have no problem with that but they should understand that is their relationship and it is with cock, not another human. Thing is, at the end of the day of getting off and such, one wants a relationship. And those so called 'open relationships' aren't what I'm talking about and don't work for these real guys looking for real guys to settle with.

Thing is this. Most gay men can only relate to women. They befriend and surround themselves with women. They have everything in common with women. They only have women friends. They certainly urn for a real man, but what homo real man is going to be interested in them?

Dilemma's.

Brad

[CoyotePiper]

Manhunt has been a fixture online for a good 10 years. I used to have a subscription over there and there was a period where I used it heavily. But it is most definitely a gay pickup site. Its not a place to make friends although that can certainly happen. Its a place to find quick fun, nothing more.
 
Funny though, I had a lot more success using Yahoo chat and Yahoo cam rooms. I consistantly met guys using Yahoo whereas with MH it was mostly IMing, emailing, and talking on the phone.
 
 You are right about the fixation with length and girth, whats up with that? I never recall asking such a question when I used to hit gay bars. Not once. Nor did any of the guys cruising me ever ask size questions, yet on MH and its imitators that is the first question. When picking up guys the old fashioned way, in a bar, you don't learn the truth about size 'til the moment of truth....

I gotta disagree on the idea that gay men only relate to women as friends. I don't have a single female friend, other than a couple of casual ones. . In fact most of my buds are str8 guys, I have four close male friends, all str8 , 2 are married. I have a wider circle of casual str8 male buds too. I don't have a lot of gay buds though. Whats cool about str8 guys is sometimes they have a gay moment, that is the right circumstance, the right time, the right person (hopefully me.... )the right amount of liquor perhaps and even the str8test guy will go for it. As you said men like sex, heyheyhey....

[injest]

I think Brad was talking about the 'glbteieio' crowd, the gay establishment type.

I was watching "Hot in Cleveland" over the weekend and they replayed the episode where the girls went looking for their GBFFs...gay best friends...and I wondered (since the gblt crowd sooo likes to compare itself to the Civil Rights movement) how it would have gone over if the girls had gone out to look for a 'Black best friend' and filled an episode with the trite stereotypes of Black people like they did with the gay men on that episode...they would still be smarting from the spanking they got from the Black community.

but the gay establishment just eats that up...they LIKE to see gay men portrayed as court jesters, accessories for hip women..

but back to Brad's main point...I have never seen a gay site that wasn't very sexual, which makes sense since men are very sexual themselves but the emphasis is so much on 'types'...as if everyone has to be pigeonholed into a category, not judged as people..

you don't see that so much with straights..we don't refer to men as 'bears' or 'cubs' or 'twinks' or whatever..it's a little dehumanizing.

[Artiste]

Merci Brad!

More please...

oui, plus...

au revoir,
hugs!

[Milo]

You are right about the fixation with length and girth, whats up with that? I never recall asking such a question when I used to hit gay bars. Not once. Nor did any of the guys cruising me ever ask size questions, yet on MH and its imitators that is the first question. When picking up guys the old fashioned way, in a bar, you don't learn the truth about size 'til the moment of truth....

Absolutely. I think some of this is a spill-over from online shopping. We've become accustomed to telling a website what we we're looking for by creating a list of specifications, and waiting for the database to spit out a list of matching products, their prices, and availability. Its a very masculine way to shop, but it becomes dehumanizing when looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.  

I gotta disagree on the idea that gay men only relate to women as friends. I don't have a single female friend, other than a couple of casual ones. . In fact most of my buds are str8 guys, I have four close male friends, all str8 , 2 are married. I have a wider circle of casual str8 male buds too. I don't have a lot of gay buds though.

Then you certainly don't into the category of typical queen. The fact that you have a circle of mostly hetero male friends makes you different from them.

When we first moved into the apartment building where David and I lived from 2002-09, the pool was the nexus of social activity. David and I were picked up by the "in crowd" in short order that first year. By contrast, there was a very stereotypical gay man who lived in the building. While he had known members of the "in crowd" for years before we moved in, he always seemed to be buzzing around the edges, and even then really only interacting with the wives/girlfriends. One annoying habit he had was that when it came time to sit down and watch a football game, he would get all "eeeww...football," as if it was beneath him. Then off he'd go to chat with the ladies, or head off to his apartment altogether. Now, I can understand not being into sports, but if you're going to hang with guys that are, you tolerate it. I don't know shit about NASCAR, but if I'm hanging out with NASCAR fans (now that I'm living in the country, there's more in sphere than ever), I'm not going to piss on their pastime.

Beyond that, there's the flirting, the gossip, the posturing, and the overall girly-ness. Character traits like that don't get one invited to parties or golf outings.

[Milo]

I was watching "Hot in Cleveland" over the weekend and they replayed the episode where the girls went looking for their GBFFs...gay best friends...and I wondered (since the gblt crowd sooo likes to compare itself to the Civil Rights movement) how it would have gone over if the girls had gone out to look for a 'Black best friend' and filled an episode with the trite stereotypes of Black people like they did with the gay men on that episode...they would still be smarting from the spanking they got from the Black community.

but the gay establishment just eats that up...they LIKE to see gay men portrayed as court jesters, accessories for hip women..

You better believe it!!

One of the many things that I cannot understand about mainstream gays is why they flaunt their negative stereotypes. Jews don't do that. Neither do latinos, asians or any other minority group I can think of. Obviously, comedians work with stereotypes all the time, but that's comedy, not real life.

[MagicM]

Welcome to Woman's World - since the dawn of time we have been subjected to the body characteristics/age test and the propensity of many men to go for sex over relationship in the dating game.

The rawness and basic animality of male sexuality can be confronting to many young women to begin with and we learn the hard way that only by drawing out the softer feelings in men (love and the protectiveness that goes with it) are we shielded from the Siberian emotional consequences of that characteristic. No doubt male/male interaction has the potential to reinforce that characteristic and make it harder for those other feelings to come through.

[bradINblue]

I gotta disagree on the idea that gay men only relate to women as friends.

I wrote that most gay men relate more to women (and similar gay men) than to hetro men. The problem here is that I believe many of these type of gay men look/long for a more typically acting hetro man who is handsome and masculine--the type of man many straight females look for. Hetro men are turned off by these type of gay guys and homo men who are more comfortable around the typical hetro man and who don't behave like a majority of gay men aren't interested in them either.

Brad

[injest]

I wrote that most gay men relate more to women (and similar gay men) than to hetro men. The problem here is that I believe many of these type of gay men look/long for a more typically acting hetro man who is handsome and masculine--the type of man many straight females look for. Hetro men are turned off by these type of gay guys and homo men who are more comfortable around the typical hetro man and who don't behave like a majority of gay men aren't interested in them either.

Brad

and there wouldn't BE any problems (or near as many) if those that are more fem (think the Project Runway type) just accepted themselves and let others be but there seems to be this NEED on their part to force all gay men into the same little mold. I don't see it so much with the Lesbian population.

[huntinbuddy]

I prefer squirt.org myself.   Their slogan is "get on to get off" rather than the softer slogan manhunt uses....'if he's out there, he's on here'.

[injest]

I prefer squirt.org myself.   Their slogan is "get on to get off" rather than the softer slogan manhunt uses....'if he's out there, he's on here'.

CHARLIE!

 

well for me, the point is to be honest about what you are doing and wanting out of a relationship..

as long as BOTH people understand that they are ONLY hooking up then let be..

[huntinbuddy]

CHARLIE!

 

well for me, the point is to be honest about what you are doing and wanting out of a relationship..

as long as BOTH people understand that they are ONLY hooking up then let be..

Yep, just use craigslist instead.   Just take a looky at these current listings in East Texas! 

http://nacogdoches.craigslist.org/search/cas/?query=m4m

[injest]

Yep, just use craigslist instead.   Just take a looky at these current listings in East Texas! 

http://nacogdoches.craigslist.org/search/cas/?query=m4m

I can't look at those, I might see someone I KNOW! then how would I ever look at them without giggling again??!

[huntinbuddy]

I can't look at those, I might see someone I KNOW! then how would I ever look at them without giggling again??!

Aheeemmm......guys usually don't show face pics in these ads Jess!     That's not to say they don't show other things! 

[injest]

Aheeemmm......guys usually don't show face pics in these ads Jess!     That's not to say they don't show other things! 

well I might recognize their cars or houses or something!