Also, the fact that the debate is going on at all shows an aspect to the friends and relatives of gay people that maybe they didnt think on before. I think a lot of folks think on gay people as "alternative", in the sense that they imagine them in an urban setting, involved in a "creative" field, holding non-mainstream political views, agnostic or atheistic in their beliefs, or into Eastern religions or wicca, and are sexually "alternative" too, into things like bondage, piercings, etc. Its the murky cocept of the "gay lifestyle" if they had to articulate it, it would be along those lines. Theres not necessarily an viewpoint to this, though there can be.
So a lot of strait people (as well as gay people themselves) got a view of their brother or uncle or coworker as the one in the family that moved to the big city and has blue-streaked hair, and most likely wouldnt be interested in something "Bourgoise" like settling in the suburbs and getting married. I rememeber about 20 years ago, these 2 bodybuilders got "married", thats how they reported it in the media, always with quotes, and they was on all the talk shows, presented along with the usual fare of sideshow freaks.
I remember my own reaction, how crazy is that, but the more I thought on it, the more I thought, why not, and over time, my thinking went from, why not to, this is the heart of the matter. That was back in the AIDS epidemic, and it got me thinking, if the idea that 2 men met and over time, found they had something that they wanted to preserve and formalize, led to the natural next step, of "making it official", there might never of been an AIDS epidemic to begin with.
and this to me is one of the best arguments FOR gay marriage..opponents of gay people talk about how promiscous they are then deny them the chance or notion that fidelity is worthwhile
Likely get myself in trouble again, but Im of the belief that very few people can have 1000's of sexual partners and be right in the head, and yeah, there WERE guys like this, venues like this, that were like vectors for the virus, no point pretending different. Men are supposedly naturally promiscuous, but I think most of us will admit a large portion of our sex life is bragging and creative writing, and even if we do follow our dicks around happily for a stretch, the numbers generally dont get out of the low 2 figures. To me, promiscuity, the compulsive kind that was such an effective transmission mode for HIV, is mainlu a sign of unhappiness, a fundamnetal lack of faith that true intimacy and devotion can exist between 2 people. Its a sign of fear that those hopes were too cool to admit we have will only be dashed, so its on to the next notch in the headboard, and on to th next one.
for me it is the notion of putting sex in the forefront of everything...our very society is so sexualized...everything is about sex. well life ISN"T about sex, it is about helping others, building something for the future, for learning and doing..Don and I have a good sex life but I really dont' think he thinks about sex ALL the time...it is important of course but it is only ONE part of a full life...there is more to living.
and I agree people like you are describing..the multiple partners? not right in the head..gay OR straight, cause I know women like that...
What if we had grown up with the concept that there WAS a natural next step for us to take, just like a man and a woman?
Well, now there is. And it seems a lot of folks were thinking along the same lines I was. The plain fact is, the more the phrase, same-sex marriage is uttered, even by a dead-opposed preacher in the pulpit, the more people will get use to the idea.
theres also the effect of hearing, maybe for the first time, about the personal lives of gay people who were always kind of a walled-off mystery to their relatives, and when i say "personal" I mean personal, not sexual. Not accounts of off-the-wall behavior in the bad part of town, but aaccounts of their friend as half of a couple, doing kinky couple stuff like arguing over which set of in-laws to go to at Thanksgiving. It sounds so obvious, but the heart of the matter is love, not sex. Any strait guy can have sex with another man and be totally heterosexual in his heart.
Its one thing to imagine all the wild and crazy stuff your gay cousin (probably never) gets up too, but its a total different thing to hear his life framed in the familiar terms of marriage, something most people do at some point. I think unconsciuosly, gays are viewed as not quite adults, espcially not gay men, because they dont make big serious committments or take on the responsibilities of family life. This goes to some extent for heteros who live together outside of marriage.
Once the official step is taken and vows are exchanged, couples find that oh no, it aint "just a piece of paper" after all. No offense to those here who have opted to live together outside of traditional marriage, though thats a choice that is theirs to make, and they can change their mind. "My husband" has a different ring to it than "my partner" or "My boyfriend". Partner or boyfreind can mean different things, and to a lot offolks, they will always mean that theres at least the possibility of one foot out the door.
Everyone know s what a HUSBAND is: Someone you have officially pledged in front of a bunch of people, to bind yourself to for life, who will now be your next of kin, before all your blood kin. No explanation needed. And as more gay people make this commitment, with or without the recognition of the state, they will force a conceptual shift in the minds of the people who witness it, to take it more seriously. Where previously they may of unconsciously viewed their brother or coworkers relationship as not as serious as their own. equated it with playing house or making a statement, there is something about those ancient words spoken in public that makes folks straighten up and take notice.
Then it becomes like the resistance of air to a speeding object: at a certain point, the speed is enough that the resistance becomes negligible, and as the object gathers more momentum from the lack of resisitance, the resistance becomes even less of a factor. Then the primary limitation is the objects own power. Thats how I see this issue, as having intense resistance at the outset, barely making progress for a long time, and actually losing ground along the way, but sure enough, it has gone from insanity to inevitability. And, important to remember in the heat of folks wanting to grab signs and march on government buildings and churches, the momentum is coming from people getting married, not from the law. Attitude is leading the law in the case of this issue. The law will eventually catch up
and here is where you and Brad and Terry are doing a greater good than you know.
I know my son and his partner watch the bunch of you and learn...thank you all..
you're giving them something they cant' get anywhere else.
